Someone once told me to use blogging like a diary. At the time, I really didn't want to because I was scared to share things with others. But more and more lately, I have not wanted to go in front of a camera because I have just been struggling so much with all the stress and craziness that seems to surround my life. But I feel confident to do that now, because no one reads my blogs and they only follow my YouTube channel.
For those of you who didn't know, I also use Facebook. For the longest time, that's what I kept in touch with my friends with. But as time goes on, there isn't a ton of messages that go back and forth anymore. People's lives are moving forward while mine seems to always be getting stuck along the way. Everyone wants to congratulate on the inspiring stuff (by the way - that's also called inspiration p*rn - when people only want to be inspired and not hear the knitty gritty you have to go through just to survive).
On Facebook, I feel like sharing my cryptic countdown of waiting on being together with my husband again, is driving some people away. I feel like they think I am complaining. I'm not trying to complain, just trying to motivate myself to move forward. So, that's where I am going to be doing the Cryptic Countdown on here. No one reads this blog anyways, so I guess it's ok.
Today is August 29, 2021. It's been 575 days = 1 year, 6 months, 28 days. Today is Sunday, what I miss the most is my husband sitting with me at church. He was always either holding my hand, or had his arm around me. At first when we were together, I was often annoyed by the constant contact, but it's funny how you can get used to something and even miss it when it's no longer there. Currently my emotion is frustration and desperation. I am frustrated with us being apart so long and my current living situation. I am also desperate for things to change. And to change quickly.
Wow! I just sound so cynical and depressive - no wonder people don't want to read this stuff! 😂 I started a housing fund, (it literally will take me 65 years to be able to come up with a downpayment on my own - no I'm not exaggerating, that's the accurate math). But at the same time, I feel excited and encouraged when even just $5 is added. I feel like, at least I am doing SOMETHING to control and help my future.
I really want to start my own handmade business where I can sell my crocheted and knitted stuff, but also the patterns I have created myself. I know that there is Etsy, but I get super stressed to even start because I just feel like I am not organized or professional enough. I don't know, eventually something has to work out right?
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